Suzi had been courting a prospect for her coaching program. Over the months, she had spent several phone sessions with this person and had even taken them to lunch (which means she picked up the check). In her giving way, she provided advice and feedback, as asked. She liked this person and thought she would make a wonderful client. She knew she could help her and in their time together she gave the prospect an honest sample of what she would get in their coaching relationship. The prospect called every once in a while with a question. After a while, Suzi began to feel like she was being taken advantage of. When asked directly about joining her coaching program, the prospect clearly stated "I'm too busy, maybe later." Yet, the prospect profusely thanked her for some very profitable suggestions and then had the gall to ask for more advice.

Was the prospect cognizant of stepping over the line to ask, yet again, for more free advice? Was the prospect only a "taker"? Who knows? The bottom line - it isn't worth your time to over analyze it. If you feel like you are being taken advantage of, you probably are. More then likely, the person you feel this way about is probably not 100% aware of what they are doing. Some people are more "takers" and others are more "givers".

So, how can you control this and stop feeling like you are being taken advantage of? How can you be more balanced? Here is a suggested process. I know that this may sound drastic but you may be at a point where you need to take a step in your own defense.

Stop and look at "who" you are giving your time to. Go ahead, make a list! This should include both business and personal folks. If you really don't know where your time has gone, then make a note in your calendar of everyone you give time to for several weeks.
Give each person a rating on your list. You can use A, B or C, with A being high, or set your own scale. Ask yourself these questions. Do they make me feel energized or drained? How important is my purpose for meeting with them? (Do you even have one?) There has to be good reason for you giving up your valuable time, so assess if there is one. If you do nothing else after reading this article, then at least begin to develop an awareness of the value each person is contributing to you.
Limit the amount of time you give to the lower ranked folks on your list. Make a conscious decision to stop running after those that don't bring positives into our life. A positive can be money in your pocket or feelings that spur you on. Sometimes we give and give without limits because we don't have a clearly defined sales process. Decide how you want to engage prospects. Encouraging them to get on your newsletter list may suffice - especially if they don't seem to bring you anything after your effort. Tell the person when you pick up the phone that you only have 5 minutes - and stick to it.

Now, before you jump all over me, I know there are times we feel compelled to help someone. And - we should help others. Just be clear that you are choosing to be of service to someone. And know, that it's ok to place limits on that service. Be there and listen. It just doesn't need to be every week or for a three hour lunch.

If you want to maintain a relationship with someone but want to more clearly establish your boundaries with them, then tell them. Just do it in a way that will honor both of you. Susan Scott, in her book Fierce Conversations, says you need to come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real. I know it can be scary to do this, but it gets more comfortable over time.

Time is the one thing everyone on this earth has the same amount of. There are 24 hours in a day. How you choose to spend your time makes a statement about where you place your priorities. Choose now to spend MORE time with those who bring you joy or those who show promise or those who show even an inkling of becoming a client. That means you need to spend LESS time with those who frustrate you or take advantage of you. Don't let them steal your time. Remember, YOU are in control.